How To Identify A F*ck Boy
God, this is so annoying but I just have to let you Fuck Boys know that I’m on to you. And I’m going to help my girls identify you straight out the chute so they don’t have to deal with your crap.
You know who you are: you’re the guy that creeps on girls social media profiles and slips into those DM’s, like a predator after his prey. You come off seemingly nice and of course flattering. You offer small talk. And then, you make your moves.
I’ve listed some warning signs below (noted in our text conversation) but one thing I’ll say is if he asks for your phone number right away, via FB or IG, and you don’t even know the guy, it’s because he wants to send you pics (or wants pics from you).
One of my guy friends got up my ass about this because he was like, “maybe he just likes texting better. You’re going to flag him as a Fuck Boy because he asks for your number?” Hell yes I am. He met me on Facebook. I don’t know this guy from Adam and I did NOT match with him on a dating app. This is totally unsolicited communication at this point.
Now, I don’t typically engage with people who approach me on social media unless I know of them or we share close friends. But this guy was pretty hot and I let that get the better of me. Luckily I’m always skeptical of people I don’t know so believe you me, I was watching closely.
Ladies: I’m going to show you the warning signs of a Fuck Boy. Take notes and pay attention. This WILL happen to you, if it hasn’t already. I’ll spare you the boring parts of our text string where he was making small talk, claiming to know me from somewhere yada yada yada. The notes below are his messages that made my red flags fly.
FB (that’s short for Fuck Boy): How was your day?
Me: Fine, just headed home. What are you up to?
FB: Just got home. About to change. *Red Flag #1: reference to changing clothes, while seemingly harmless, is an invitation to engage. I could have approached this a million different ways but attempted to play it cool.
Me: Nice! Time for some sweats!
FB: Shorts and a t-shirt, no underwear! *Ref Flag #2: now he’s inviting me to think/talk about his lack of undergarments. Like I needed to know. Only a Fuck Boy would say that.
Me: Must be hot where you live…
More blah blah blah…nothing too incriminating. Then, later:
FB: You make it home?
Me: Yeah, just putting the kids to bed.
FB: Then you’ll flirt with me? *Red Flag #3: what do you mean flirt with you? ALARM SOUNDS
Me: If you’re looking for someone to exchange pics with, I’m not her.
FB: Whoa, coming in hot *Red Flag #4: criticizing my right to keep my privacy is not “coming in hot.” It’s calling you out on your bullshit.
Me: Just want to be honest. Don’t want you wasting your time. I know what you want.
FB: You know what I want? *Red Flag #5: DEFENSIVE, no? That’s right pal, I know what you want. You can suck it.
Me: I assume.
Then…
He BLOCKED and UNFRIENDED me.
God I love being right.