“Dealing” With An Empowered Woman

Dude…

I’ve tried to write this post so. many. times. Literally this stuff has been floating around in my head for over a year. I have so much to say, and can’t quite get the organization of it all out, so I’m just going to throw it out there and hope it hits you in some capacity. There will likely be more posts on this topic so stay tuned.

It’s no secret that I’ve struggled in relationships. Online dating has been less than successful (#moveoffline), finding a potential partner that meets me where I’m at has proven impossible and even friendships have been difficult to establish, build and maintain. And all of these things have got me thinking: is it me? Or is it “them?”

I look around at all the fantastic women I am so fortunate to be connected to and so many of us share the same issues. Why is that?

Because we’re empowered AF, that’s why.

Hear me out in my hippy-dippy speech for a moment: this is all about energy. We can go Newton style and call this the Law of Inertia: an object in motion tends to stay in motion; or we can go hippy, and blame it on energy: we attract the vibration that we are and the lower vibrations drop away.

Empowered women are the force that keeps moving, the inertia that can’t stop. And truth be told, we blow over those that don’t match our force. Period.

So who is she? Who is this elusive Empowered Woman? She’s the woman who knows who she is in this world, knowing where she came from, where she’s at and where she’s going. She’s been through a lot: trauma, pain, discrimination, setbacks. She gets inside her own head and has the desire to learn and grow from each and every experience, good and bad. She’s open to learning the lessons and doing the work to propel herself forward at any cost. She pulls herself up when no one is there to do it for her. She believes in herself and knows what she’s capable of. She’s made significant strides in her life with career, family and social networks. She’s found other like-minded women to build her tribe to continue to inspire one another. She knows exactly what she wants in life and more often than not, she knows how to get it. Most importantly, she is the foundation of our society, setting the bar and building everyone up along the way. She’s a powerhouse; a mogul; and a badass.

But she’s often lacking something so very important: and that is someone who understands her. Someone who supports her. Someone who cheers in her corner no matter what.

Now I have my own theories on this (of course I do), so peep this: we, as a society recently, have done a really stellar job at empowering our women and girls. There are coaches and websites and Instagram accounts dedicated solely to empowering women to be strong, independent and successful. But something is amiss. Men don’t seem to know how to “deal” with empowered women. It’s like we’ve grown this generation of kick ass girls, and dudes are left in the dust cloud trying to find their way out, all discombobulated and confused. While we’ve empowered our girls to grow up strong and independent, we’ve left the boys to fend for themselves. It’s not fair and really puts us all at a disadvantage.

I’m going to go down a bunny trail because I think it’s important to draw parallels (and to convey my point). This really is an issue of social norms and society in general. The way men and women communicate has changed so drastically over the last 50 years. What used to work doesn’t work anymore. Here’s what I mean:

50 years ago, women in the workforce were a small representation of women in the world. Most stayed home with their children and considered themselves housewives. They had very specific duties, the main one being to cater to their spouse and children. Being in a somewhat subservient role at home dictated the way men spoke to and treated women. Equality wasn’t a thing like it is today (and we all know we’re still not exactly equal, but getting there). And over time, we’ve slowly adjusted to seeing women in the workforce as well as in positions of power. And I think we can all agree it’s taken some getting used to, no?

I point this out to set the stage that back then, you could tell a woman she was beautiful and a good mom or a good cook, and that made her day. Those were the things she excelled at and was proud of. But today, women take on so much more. We’re so much more than moms and wives. We’re powerhouses, owning our own businesses, raising our families, running the country, inventing things, paving the way, inspiring others. So as women have grown into this new reality, men haven’t really caught up with this new variety of woman. Most men still think that telling a woman she’s beautiful is the top compliment they can give. But an empowered woman wants to be more than that. We’re not just pretty faces taking care of kids and feeding our husbands. We want acknowledgement for who we are and what we do. Telling an empowered woman she’s beautiful is like a backhanded compliment to everything else she excels at in in her life.

When a woman is empowered, she exudes a confidence and a “knowingness” of what is needed in her life. It’s as if she’s dissected herself to find the missing puzzle pieces and she’s on a quest for just those few remaining pieces. We often look to relationships to fill our voids and through a painful process of getting the feels and then losing someone, we start to learn that we really don’t need anyone else in the first place. And that level of awareness and knowing that you’re all good just the way you are, me, myself and I…that’s a powerful place to be. So when a man enters your life, if he’s falling short in his quest and knowledge of who he is, the relationship won’t work. Empowered women ain’t got time for that shit.

So here’s the deal: when you come for an empowered woman, you better come 110%. You don’t pussy foot around her or play games. You’re direct, straight forward, and bring your full self to the table. If you want to ask her out, do it: but you better have a plan. Empowered women don’t like, “hey, can I take you out sometime?” They like, “I’d like to take you out. How about Friday at 8?” Empowered woman don’t like, “hey, how’s your day?” They like, “I’m thinking about you and would like to call you or meet up to talk.” The differences are subtle but monumental in impact. Bring your A game, fellas. We’re busy running the world, you know.