The Pop Star and the Princess

I’d like to start this post by stating that I’m 35 years old, educated and a mother of two young boys. I own three businesses and manage a household, my life and the lives of my kids. I’m known as a general contractor, realtor, and hair and makeup artist. I’m a best friend, sister, daughter and mother. I’m opinionated, bossy and know what I want (and often get it if I work hard enough at it). I’m fearless, spiritual, passionate and I believe in the good in people. I’m a lover, an optimist and above all…a woman.

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. I loved the idea of dressing up as something other than myself, trying on a new persona just for the day. I’ve been a bunny, a Christmas tree, a cheerleader, Strawberry Shortcake, a painter, a bowling champion, Marilyn Monroe (twice), and a hippie. Each year, something different. But it was just for one day. The next day, I would wash off the makeup and put the costume away and it was just me. Always back to me.

This year, my 35th on this earth, I decided to try something new. Newly separated with a desire to actually go out this year and have some fun, I finally created the character I’ve always wanted to be, for at least the past 15 years: Britney Spears from her 2001 VMA performance. I’ve been a Britney fan from the beginning, admiring her and growing up with her. She always exuded such confidence and femininity, something I struggled with growing up (as we all do at one point or another). This year was my year to exude confidence and femininity. It was my year to break out of my shell as a mother and embrace my sensuality to be, for one day, as confident on the outside as I am on the inside. So began my costume transformation. I took an old bra and a pair of leggings and created my own version of Britney Spears’ outfit. Lots of embellishments, fabric, glitter and hot glue later, my masterpiece was complete. At least I thought it was pretty good. Not a dead ringer but close enough that people would be able to figure out who I was. Or so I’d hoped…

Being a hair and makeup artist, this was the part I looked forward to the most! Transforming myself to look just like the pop princess was something I’d always wanted to do but just never had the time or occasion to do so. So I slapped on a few layers of makeup and some fake hair and voila! There I was. Miss Britney Spears.

I posted pictures of my progress on my Instagram and Facebook pages along the way, and was delighted to get a few likes here and there. I worked hard on my costume and thought it looked pretty damn good. And I was proud of that.

I wore that costume out that night to a big Halloween Party in Downtown Seattle. To my surprise, everyone I talked to knew exactly who I was, with the exception of one guy dressed as a UPS man. I was well-received by men and women alike who loved it and said I looked just like her. I felt accomplished and proud of the work I had done.

My boys, 4 and 2, had been so excited about Halloween the whole month. My oldest was going to be a pirate and my youngest Superman. They’d tried on their costumes in the weeks prior to the holiday and were giddy with the thought of going trick or treating and scoring tons of candy. One day, my youngest, my sweet baby, asked me if I could be a princess for Halloween and go trick or treating with them. Normally I would make up some excuse about why I couldn’t dress up. Afterall, it was just the three of us and no one else would notice or care if I were in costume or not. But this year I felt differently about it. This year I felt honored that they wanted me to be a part of their Halloween adventure. And the fact that he knew what he wanted me to be was so endearing! So I obliged. Afterall, I had a gorgeous wedding gown sitting in a garment bag for over ten years. Why not use that? It looks like a princess dress!

So that’s what I did! I wore my old wedding dress, petticoat underneath and all to make it really full. I pulled back my hair and wore a tiara and a flashy necklace. And the costume was complete! The look on my boys face when I came out of the bedroom was priceless. It was as if they’d seen a real-life princess, like mommy had magically transformed from the overworked, tired woman they see daily to a magical creature of royalty. They both hugged me, said they loved my dress and that I looked beautiful. Then, as boys do, they were on to the next thing….candy. As short lived as my moment with them was, it was one I will treasure forever. I took a few photos with my kids, my niece and my nephews, and I posted those to my Facebook page also. I answered the door a few times for the neighborhood kids and made it a point to show my costume to the little girls who audibly gasped when they saw me. With stars in their eyes, they’d say, “oh, I love your dress! Are you a real princess?”

Both of my costumes were well received in person, and I was grateful for that. What I found on social media was different. Not bad, just different. And in the middle of the night, a few days after Halloween, this glaring disparity woke me out of a dead sleep and motivated me to write this post.

Obviously this isn’t a controlled study, but the results of my views, comments and likes on each of these costumes was interesting. Since I posted my Britney costume on my business page, I can see what the reach of that post was. It reached 226 people. Out of those 226 people, only 11 people ‘liked’ it. That’s about 5%. I received two comments, one which I removed because it was inappropriate and the other, “Perfection!”

I posted my princess costume on my personal page and while I can’t see the total reach, I had 98 ‘likes’ and 7 comments (all positive).

So the question is, why is one ‘liked’ so much more than the other? What drives people to ‘like’ one thing and not another? And interestingly, the audience is relatively the same: most of the folks who “like” my business page are also “friends” on my personal page, so most of these people actually know me.

I couldn’t help but initially think that this disparity was due to what I was wearing: one scantily clad and one “respectfully” beautiful. Social norms would tell anyone that a 35 year old mother of two shouldn’t be wearing something so “scandalous.” And I can't help but wonder if I’m being judged by those who know me best. Were people shocked to see me dressed like a pop star? Were they embarrassed to like my outfit with my stomach showing? Was it tacky and tasteless? Did the princess costume “suit” me better, based on what they know and think about me as a person? Did they identify me as more of a princess type?

But my point in writing this post is not to figure it all out and attempt to navigate my way through the ins and outs of people’s brains and the social constructs that affect them. It’s to prove a point. To prove that no matter how old you are, what you do for a living or how many children you have you can be whatever you want to be. We are not defined by those things. We are defined by the women we choose to be, in all shapes and sizes, in all moods and attitudes, in all strengths and weaknesses. And we own that shit.

To quote one of my favorite movies of all time, The Breakfast Club, “…You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.”

Each one of us is really a myriad of different people, present in one body. Situations, environments, emotions, feelings and circumstances all play a role in defining not only who we are, but also how others see us. It is my personal goal to live my life as my most authentic self. It has been hard for me up to this point to do that but I’m ready. Ready to release the judgment of others; ready to embrace what I truly am; ready to grab life by the balls and unapologetically own my power. This goal is not only for myself, but for every woman out there that’s sick and tired of the bullshit.

So let’s do this, ladies.