Mental Toughness: Is It Real?
I’ve been hearing so much about mental toughness lately: it seems that coaches all over, from fitness coaches to life coaches are spewing the words “mental toughness” or “be mentally tough.” I hear this a lot in my personal life as well and have been thinking lately about what it means to be “mentally tough.”
Part of me feels like these words are rooted in the toxic masculine. They’re often said in a way that sounds like, “quit being such a pussy.” As if you’re not “tough” enough to get through your issues or manage your situation. I don’t like the way “tough” is used as a form of strength, as if you are weak if you’re not able to get your mental state in check. It just rubs me the wrong way.
I want to point out that life is fucking hard. We all know this. No matter what you do for work or how many kids you have or don’t have, the stresses of everyday life still impact us in negative ways. Depression and anxiety conditions are at an all-time high; political unrest around the world, the barrage of negative stories in the news, illness, death and issues raising children, emotional stress from relationships and your everyday work stressors are sending most of us into a tailspin. It’s hard to manage life and all of it’s things. And as grateful as we are for the things we do have, it doesn’t often seem to offset the things that add to our stress levels.
This idea of being “mentally tough” is thrown in our face as if to say, “if you were tougher, you’d be better able to conquer these things.” As if we need yet another reason to feel bad about ourselves; not only are we depressed and stressed, now we’re not tough, too. Great.
I hear a lot of coaches telling their followers that the reason they’re not achieving their goals is because they’re not mentally tough; they’re weak in the mind. And all it takes is a strong mindset to flip the switch. All you have to do is “toughen up.”
So I ask the question, what does that mean? What does it mean to be mentally tough? Does it mean that you should ignore your stressors and continue to push yourself to the limits to get through each day? Does it mean tackling your stressors head-on? How do you even do that? Where do you even start?
I started to think about areas in my life and in the lives of others I know where we’re struggling to “get tough.” I think a lot of us equate toughness with strength and willpower, and one of the most common places we see our weaknesses shine through is with diet and exercise. I’ll walk through the example of diet and exercise as it relates to mental toughness as an example, but you can apply these steps to anything.
Remove obstacles. If you want to be able to do something, you need to remove the things in your life that are getting in your way of doing those things. Want to lose weight? Remove junk food from your house. Want to exercise every morning before work? Turn your tv/phone off by 9pm and get to bed.
Start small. If your goal is to eat healthier, like giving up your addiction to chips, make a pact with yourself to not buy chips for 2 weeks. If you want to increase your vegetable intake, make a pact with yourself to eat a salad once per day. Making little agreements with yourself for short periods of time seem less overwhelming and less “dangerous” to your mind than saying, “I’m not allowed to have chips ever again.”
Habit stack. If you have a bad habit of scrolling on your phone for hours, pair that with walking on the treadmill. You can scroll and get your steps in at the same time. If you want to drink more water, don’t allow yourself your morning coffee until you’ve had a glass of water. Simple additions like this will help you make small achievements that add up over time.
Acknowledge where you are. You may hate the fact that you’re 30 pounds over weight. But hating yourself for being overweight doesn’t help you achieve your goals. Accepting yourself for where you are at this point in time is one of the most important things you can do as you embark on any journey. In the words of my very wise mother, “nothing stays the same forever.” Know that what you’re experiencing today is a blip on the radar of your life. And it’ll change.
I’m not here to tell you to “toughen up.” But I am here to tell you that you deserve everything you want in this life. And I’m here to tell you that these things don’t just show up. While I’m a firm believer that the Universe provides, I am also real enough to know that she doesn’t just give shit away. You have to meet her halfway. You have to do your part. And your part is loving yourself; for who you are today, and for who you want to become. Meet yourself with grace, kindness and humility. Know that this is a long journey. But don’t let the mind distract you from what you truly want for yourself. Dig deep and ask yourself what you really want your life to look like, and take those baby steps to get there. You can do this!
These distractions are more than ways of keeping us from doing what we want to do; they keep our brain in a constant state of temptation. And the brain likes what it likes; it likes to stay in it’s usual patter