Show the fuck up.

Full disclosure: this is a rant. I wrote this in ten minutes after feeling some frustration around the topic and I can't promise that my writing is coherent or well-executed. Perhaps one day I'll put my big girl panties on and write something more prolific. For now, this is what you get.

I can’t begin to tell you how irritating dating and relationships can be. Maybe it’s just me. But here’s what I expect from a man who wants to date me, or any other strong, independent woman out there.

#1. If you are interested, act like it.

Want to ask me out? Do it. Thinking about me? Text me. Women today don’t have the time or the interest to play games.  Dating apps allow us to meet people at an exponential rate and, in theory, go on as many dates as we want. If you snooze, you’re gonna lose. If you’re going to play games, like ghosting her and trying to get in touch later or waiting for long periods of time to ask her out, you’re gonna lose. She’s not going to wait around for you. Trust me.

#2. Fucking BE THERE.

If you meet a woman that you think is amazing, you better be there to respond to her texts or answer her phone calls. Show her that you care in whatever way you know how. It is ok to allow yourself to be just a tiny bit vulnerable. It’s ok to let her know that you think she’s bomb. If you can be there and be present, she will be so into the fact that you’re willing to show her how important she is. You will win in the end, my friend. If you know what I mean.  

#3. Own your own shit.

Have money issues? Mommy issues? Career issues? Own that shit. And by own that shit, I mean recognize it for what it is and don’t let it get in the way of your relationship. Don’t let your mommy issues translate to your girlfriend and allow you to feel like you can’t trust her. Don’t let your job dictate how you feel about your own self-worth. Don’t let your money issues make you feel bad that you can’t afford the diamonds and gold for the woman you love. Separate your girlfriend from your shit and treat her independently of all of it. She is a standalone figure in your life. She is her own person and shouldn’t have to pay the price for your baggage. If anything, if she’s a good woman, she’ll accept your shit too. And will likely help you through it if you’re vulnerable enough to ask.  

#4. Know what you want.

Do you want a long term girlfriend? Do you want a one night stand? Do you want a wife? Know what it is that you’re after before you waste some poor girl’s time trying to figure it out. And COMMUNICATE that. I have seen it time and time again with myself and my friends; women tend to jump into relationships full-force. Men tend to hold back. And that’s ok, as long as you’re clear about your end game. If you’re not, say you’re not. Just be clear and honest.

#5. Don’t waste my time.

This ties in to #4. An example of wasting my time would be: not knowing what you want; texting me randomly; asking me out once a month. Those are all signs of a man who is wasting my time.  Not only is he sending unclear messages to me, but he’s taking me along for the ride. I don’t need that, thankyouverymuch.

Is this too much to ask?

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