What Are Your Intentions?

I fear for the future of humanity.

I say it all the time. I really do truly fear for our future as human beings.

Seeing what I see with dating and relationships today, along with all the stories I hear; through my own experiences and those of others; it will be a miracle if we can continue to come together to form loving relationships and procreate.

Not knowing who you are doesn’t only affect you and your growth: it affects everyone you allow into your intimate life. And by intimate life I mean that space where you share real, raw thoughts and emotions. That space reserved for the closest friends and relationships; not your casual friendship with your favorite barista. If you’re lucky, your friends will stick by you and be there unconditionally while you try to figure your shit out. If you’re really lucky, they’ll help you and guide you to finding yourself.

But knowing yourself is important so that you can date with intention. I can’t emphasize enough that in this world of online dating, we have to be so acutely aware of our own intentions and the intentions of those we allow into our space.

Everyone knows I have an aversion to online dating apps (#moveoffline), and I’ve been off of them for quite some time. Being offline means one thing: I’m not dating. But every once and a while, my loneliness gets the best of me and I get on an app for a few days, just to see who’s out there and see if I can make any connections. So a few weeks ago, I did just that. And I met someone. And for the first time in literally years, I met someone who had potential. Someone I actually wanted to get to know.

But after a few weeks, the rose colored glasses that shielded my eyes from the truth of the situation fell from my head and shattered on the ground. It became clear this weekend that I’m not what he wants. His actions have shown me that I am not valued as a potential serious relationship. And while both of us are admittedly scared, only one of us was willing to keep moving forward. And it wasn’t him.

In my experience, I keep falling into the laps of men who don’t want anything serious (at least not with me). But that’s not often mentioned up front. And I think it’s because they don’t really know. So all I ask of you is that you really get to know yourself and what exactly you want. Write it down. Journal about it. Make a list. Get crystal clear. And when it shows up in front of your face, don’t be an asshat and let it get away because you’re scared. If you’re too scared for it, it’s not what you really want. So think about that. And spare the rest of us your tired-ass excuses.

If we continue to walk blindly into the black hole of the interwebs without knowing who we are or what we want, we will continue to stay single. We will continue to suffer heartbreak or in my case, perpetual disappointment. We will mislead others and break hearts. Please put in the effort and continue to do the inner work; figure yourself out first. Know yourself. If we could just do that then we’d all be enlightened souls on these apps looking exactly for what we want and asking all the right questions to figure these people out, to see if they meet our criteria. Date with intention. That’s all I ask.